On Writing & Yoga

So how long is it since my last post? I'm coming to realise that for me, there are a lot of similarities between practicing yoga and writing. I really really want to do both things, but somehow I will find every excuse under the sun to avoid them.

As anyone who has kept up with this blog will see, I am at best sporadic at keeping it going – at worst, I break my promises! "One post on David Swenson, more to follow" which never materialised – and as for my retreat blogging? The less said about that the better. In my defence, while I was away in India I seemed to come out in a rash (well, substitute an appropriate India-related malady) every time I went in the computer room. I took reams and reams of notes during conference, and wrote other bits and pieces about how I was feeling about everything and what I was going through with my mental and physical journey, planning to write it all up when I got back. But I found the notes all slightly overwhelming, it was going to take so long to make any sense of it, and I came home to a week-long bout of jet lag, followed by a week-long stinking cold, all the while trying to adjust to being back at work after 3 weeks off. And even though I have had other things to blog about since I came back, and keep having tons of ideas and things I want to say, I am overwhelmed by the weight of the “backlog” I have created for myself catching up on my ashtanga retreat.

My practice goes in much the same way. I go through enthusiastic phases, and phases where I resist getting on my mat and would rather be anywhere but there. I have reached the point in the (not too distant) past where it seemed too overwhelming to go back to square one after a break from regular practice. Most of the time I would rather talk about yoga than actually do it: oh in theory I love to practice, or should that be would love to practice, but the time spent thinking/reading/talking (not writing!) about yoga vs. actual mat-time is pitiful. But this last week, I have made it to Mysore classes on Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday. I have started to feel a change in my practice, in my approach to the early starts, and I have definitely seen a change in the way my teacher is with me now that I am seen to be practicing more. During a very lovely elongated breakfast and lunch on Sunday (with fellow bloggers Helen, Globie & Susananda), Susan said something about not being able to stop once you start practicing, because your body feels so sore without it. Having been an erratic practitioner over the past year, I am more accustomed to my body hurting because of it, but this week I realised that that has changed. I had been avoiding practice on Monday & Tuesday this week, because of a huge adverse reaction I had to an adjustment on Sunday (It was in triang mukha – which always makes me angry for some reason, I had a strong adjustment and found myself completely livid – it was all I could do not to scream and or smack my poor lovely teacher!). Anyway so Monday & Tuesday was a bit of gentle stretching, but through the day at work my back and shoulders just felt so sore, and I came to realise that the only thing that would help was a proper practice. So on Wednesday I set the alarm for 5.20 and off I went, and it really really helped my back. The biggest newsflash was that I was no more tired by the end of the working day than I ever am: so today I went again. And I think (hope) that I might have cracked it now. If I can get to Mysore classes a couple of weekdays plus Sundays I just know I will start to feel the benefit.

The point was, today I realised that writing and yoga are quite similar for me. Right now, yoga is my “thing”. Those who have known me a long time remember when writing was my thing – for about four years in my mid twenties I was writing a novel, and had reached about 40,000 words when I just lost the faith and gave up. It horrifies me to thing of all of the hours I put into it, and that I just gave up so easily. But much as I am doing with my blog now, I would get so caught up in writing one section and getting it perfect, that I could be on 7 edits of a chapter before I moved on to the next one. My writing teacher was constantly saying “Just get it down, keep moving forward, don’t lose your momentum!” and much as I wanted to do it, I always seemed to fall behind somehow. So while I’m busy trying to write a well formed essay every time I post on my blog, those that I enjoy the most (and envy!) are either short, snappy and regularly updated like Skippetty Street (not to mention funny, cute AND informative, Jaime I should hate you!!), or more stream of conscience style. I need to remember my writing teacher’s words and just get on with it – or as Jaime often reminds me “Don’t think, just do!!”

But the other thing I have realised is that the two things can actually feed into one another: through yoga, I have the opportunity to write again. My problem is actually having too much to say now that I have a ready-formed topic, whereas when I was trying to create a work of fiction my imagination would frequently go AWOL. So if I lose the yoga, I lose the writing again. This post was all so clear in my mind and it has taken on a bit of a different form but I think what I’m getting at is that I am going to try and take a step forward with both things, writing and yoga, and even if they are only little baby steps I’m going to keep on taking them until they turn into big strides.